Last weekend I had a life threatening incident. It included a rather dramatic paramedic visit; ambulance visit to Charing Cross a&e; lots of tubes and masks and bleepy monitors; and two nights in the acute ward.
Number 1 - cherishing those I love is okay as a number one priority.
Number 2 - you know what, it's okay for life just to be okay.
I don't need to do my major three yearly life overhaul which normally sees me panic moving city/job ( in the past even relationship). I bloody love living in Chiswick, and in the hospital when I finally had the ability to stand up and look out of the window, just the sheer joy of seeing london spread out in front of me in all its urban imperfect glory – this was life affirming.
The Thames is like a deep raw vein throbbing through this city. It is the lifeblood of the people who live and work and die and play here. Just as London is part of me.
Living up north for three years to raise my child was amazing, and I am blessed to have had this space and this experience.
But I am meant to be here: it is my home.
So all these stressful 3am fears I've had ( that we should go back up north to save money, to live in a bigger house…)are now irrelevant. I will not leave. We will make it work out.
Number 3 – Noone will either live my creative dreams for me, or judge me for not achieving them. The magical work and goal planning I have been doing with my Leonie Dawson Incredible Year workbooks is my responsibility.
No one will love me the less if I don't publish my book, remember to do my hair, save money, connect spiritually with higher creative self. The universe will not punish me. But – having seen the number of old, in pain, unhappy women I hospital – I believe LIFE IS TOO SHORT not to live it 150%.
Number 4 – Anyone who calls the twittersphere and blogosphere 'virtual' communities is bonkers!
I am an intensely private person. I love to make people laugh, to buoy up a room, but I never reveal anything about my pain or fears or worries. I am more honest here in Blog and Twitter-ville.
When I was in hospital, only DH & DS knew. And Twitter. The messages and caring enquiries I got from Twitter meant the world. Virtual? Nah. Magical? Yes.
That's why I'm going to continue with my goal of blogging. I think you guys, reading this, are amazing.
Number 5 – life can be amazing and then shitty and then loving and then you die.
One thing is true: Life is too short. Full stop. Lets make the most of it. Together.